Exciting Times

Today I sat and began to really think about internship opportunities for myself for this coming summer. I got really excited about two ideas in particular. One is to contact a company called Counter Culture Coffee out of Durham, N.C. about an internship. This excites me because of their commitment to sustainably grown coffees and it's location in a state I am familiar with and love. The second is the possibility of doing an internship with some grassroots sustainable agriculture groups in Ecuador that could be arranged through UK and one of my professors. Both really get my heart pumping. Now I just need to pray about them more and seek God's direction in which way He would have me go. I just pray God continues to blossom a heart for the 'minusvalidos' or less fortunate and that I take practical steps every day to exercising that passion. Christ lead and guide me, making your Name glorified and your kingdom of love expressed to more people daily through your Church. Amen.

Learning to Fly

This past week has been hard. No sugar coating it, I've felt so helpless in so many areas and it drives me crazy. It's that feeling like something is wrong and you want to fix it but you can't, not because you can't fix something someone has done to you, but because you can't fix something you've done to yourself. Whether it is a situation you have put yourself in, your word you can't break, circumstances you can't change, or even a class you don't want to go to anymore there are tons of things in our lives we have to deal with that we can't change at this moment in time. But I think God blesses us with these things to make us stronger and rely on him more.

For example, I have never in my life had to really watch my money before. I've never been a big spender but a budget wasn't really a necessity. But God is using this to make me more tender to him. He's making me trust in Him like my Majestic Father who freely gives to me as I need it. That doesn't mean I spend like crazy and just chalk it up to 'God will provide', but like Jesus says in Matthew 7:7 "ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Granted that doesn't mean God will always give us what we want or open the doors we want opened but He promises to give us good gifts.

Furthermore, God has been assuring me in my prayer time. So often I find it hard to pray deeply. I think that if my mind begins to wander while in prayer that somehow I will be sinning against God with my mind. But from reading Genesis 17 it reminded me that God is a God of covenants. He has promised to continue dwelling in me in His Holy Spirit by Grace in Christ Jesus.

Furthermore, God doesn't want bad things to happen in our lives. He exists as our Comfortor, not our tormentor as sometimes I am duped into confusing the two. God is a God of love and compassion, mercy and, in this season especially, a God of grace. The Bible says He is holding back his wrath against us for the time being. God is still just but we are in a time of Grace. I just have to remind myself of his promises daily. We are filled with the fullness of Christ (Colossians 2:9), all believers now and to come are God's chosen people (Colossians 3:12) and that we can have peace in Christ (Colossians 3:15) and that we are truly blessed in Christ Jesus (Ephesians 1:3). And one thing I have begun to learn lately (partly due to Israel Houghton and his gospel music) is that being blessed is a permanent state of being in Christ Jesus. Being blessed has less to do with physical means and more in being supremely called and loved by Christ Jesus. Indeed all men are blessed by Christ Jesus in the promise of salvation. His salvation is all encompassing and is given freely to ALL. "Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1) God's blessings and peace to you all as He has truly blessed me this week with His quiet comfort and peace.

He never gives up on us

I think everyday God tries to mature me in Him whether I ask for it or not, which I am thankful for. Today I'm trying to learn to just plug forward doing what I know to do and trust God for the rest. I can't control so much that goes on in my life, and the more I do, the more it spirals out of control.

I was reading the story of Peter and Jesus today when Jesus asks Peter three times if he loves Him. I never got it until today that Jesus asked him three times because thats how many times Peter denied Jesus. But the interesting thing is that Jesus left it at that. I'm sure it had to hurt Jesus tremendously that the person whom he called "the rock" denied him in his hour of utmost need. But Jesus simply affirmed that Peter loved him and left it at that. He didn't pull out a litany of things Peter has done wrong or make an example of him before the other disciples. HE FORGIVES HIM!

But let this be a lesson of true forgiveness. Jesus not only never mentiones it again, he tells Peter that he will build the church upon him. Jesus offers true forgiveness, where he moves past the fact and even gives Peter new responsibilities and trusts him. I was really moved by this in that Jesus goes beyond forgetting our sins and stupid stuff, he trusts us with more if we genuinely seek Him. If we truly call ourselves his followers he will not only forgive, but bless us more. Praise be to God! This was encouraging to me in light of my reflections on all my mistakes and unfaithulness to God. Indeed God is proved righteous and loving and just in all he does. He doesn't keep us down, he honestly desires for us to succeed, which is something I often doubt in myself. I thank God for this assurance as He alone can give me the confidence I need to live beyond myself. To live for Christ and to live with integrity and perseverance and love. Glory to God in the Highest!

Prayers as reformation

I prayed this the other week and as I was sitting here I remembered it. I remember praying this prayer, and looking back over the past week I see how it's come to pass and I thank God for that! Thank you Lord for answering my prayer, and I pray it once again. I pray this because of James 1:2,3 where it says: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of you faith develops perseverance."

I never understood that verse until now. I never wanted that verse to be true until now that I feel the joy that comes with the routine trials that accompany faith. I've followed Christ for almost eleven years now and I've faced trials before, but never ones that I prayed for like this. I prayed for these trials and it's drawn me closer to Christ so I indeed may live deep within my heart. Because the our idea of blessing isn't always Gods idea, and while comfort and peace is good, we must face confusion and wrestle with life to understand Christ and His sacrifice and blessing fully. I pray I may accompany you in your troubles as you have accompanied me in mine and in doing so we will be the Church Christ designed us to be! God bless you this week my brothers and sisters in Christ!

A Franciscan Benediction

May God bless you with discomfort

At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships

So that you may live deep within your heart


May God bless you with anger

At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,

So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.


May God bless you with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war,

So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and

To turn their pain into joy.


And may God bless you with enough foolishness

To believe that you can make a difference in the world,

So that you can do what others claim cannot be done

To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.



Amen

Been A Long Time

No matter what I do I can't escape the inevitabilities of life. We all have to face the rough stuff that life throws at us. Its just reality. The questions about what tomorrow brings and how to deal with the consequences of yesterday. In all honesty I'm sick and tired of questions. I've spent too much of my life living in questions. I'M DONE!

Seriously though, my thought life has been consumed with "what if's" and "what comes next?" and "why?" I know its human nature to visit these thoughts from time to time but I've decided I'm done with living in the past, in what could have happened, or what may happen. Good grief I'm tired of it. Frankly it sucks.

Christ didn't call me to live like this. He calls me to live a life a faith DAILY. I don't know what will happen but I'm reminding myself to put my life in his hands and let him deal with it. He offered to take it upon himself and I'm shooting myself in the foot by not letting him. It's funny how God gave me this verse today. I was telling my buddy about whats been on my mind and this verse popped up on his computer on a bible widget. So I'm gonna meditate on Lamentations 3:22-24 and I encourage you to as well. We don't know what tomorrow holds, but there is enough prayer and work in the Lord to be done today on the behalf of those we care about, those in need, those God lays uniquely on our hearts. So lets be proactive despite all that goes on and live!
Lamentations 3:22-24
Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

Turn of Events

While today happens so many times to so many people, how it happened made me stop and thank God for small mercies. I woke up today with an unknown sense of dread, fear and anxiety about the comming day. I had no tests, heavy assignments or long hours of studying in the works but I felt a fear that only Satan puts over a human soul in hopes to inhibit the joy of the Lord.
But those inhibitions weren't realized today. I distinctly remember stopping at Coffea Island for a latté and leaving, still with that unknown sense of dread. But suddenly as I stepped out of the coffee shop I felt a rush of peace and joy only known in Christ's Spirit. As I felt the wind against my person and the cool air announcing the comming of autumn, I felt a peace and joy in my soul that only God provides. It was as if God was nullifying my anxieties with His perfect peace and Love. What can man say to this other than "thanks." While I'm not usually the one to point out God in the rainbow or the beauty in the sunset, I felt that somehow God spoke to me through His Creation and His Spirit in a masterful yet simple way that only God can achieve. He truly is God and I am not.
And yet I'm fully aware of the rollercoaster of life; one day you're up and the next you're down. But I will thank God for this one day where nothing could stiffle this joy of the Lord, the joy of being alive and in community with others who love me as I love them. Indeed, these are the days to cherish, because they remind us in our worst times that God never leaves us or abandons us. Truly He is the Omniscient, All-Powerful God, Father, Lord and Closest Confidant. Glory to God for His Love that never fails, neither yesterday, today or tomorrow. Glory to God in the Highest, Amen.

Taking Back Control

As I've gone throughout the day I've decided to face myself. I've decided to face the prospect that at my core I believe little in myself. Its a sad thing to realize but I have to come to grips with the fact that I have allowed myself to be lied to by the Evil One into believing that I wont ever overcome my mental defeatist attitude. I believe fully in God and His power, but like so many of us I doubt His ability in me.
I realized this today playing soccer where I constantly found myself lacking the confidence to simply enjoy a game. Instead I doubt my self and my abilities. I've found this is just a byproduct of me not believing in what God is and can do in me.
However, I'm convinced that I'm not alone. Too many of us live in fear of our past, our skeletons that hide in the closet, our rejections, our anxieties, etc. The Bible calls us to a holy fear of God, ie a deep respect for Him. But it never calls us to fear this world, because as Christ says "fear not for I have overcome the world!" Let us hold onto that promise and claim the victorious, but not necessarily easy life that Christ offers us! I've decided to stop my doubting. When I make these concessions to doubt in hopes that other problems will be aleviated, I'm fooling myself and crippling the hands God has given me to use, and to use well for His Glory. So, let us stand unified and tell Satan "No More!" and live our lives in an unflenching and assured hope in Christ Jesus our Risen Lord!

confusion and correction

So i've decided i'm most apt to write late at night. I've been thinking lately a lot. I guess I just want to encourage everyone to just get real with each other. It makes life so much better. I also want to encourage us to just be the Church as it was meant to be- UNIFIED! I feel that we as the Church get so hung up on pointless debates about free will/predestination, what worship music is better, whether praying to Mary is right or not, etc. In the end all these things are very trivial in comparison to the fact that we all believe in the same basic tennants of the Christian faith namely; the virgin birth, that God created everything (yes it is possible He used evolution for this-thats your call), that Christ lived and died a sinless man and rescued us from our sins when he died and rose again for us, that Christ is comming back again, that we have Christ's Spirit in us when we confess with our mouths and believe in our hearts that Christ is Lord. In the end Catholics, Lutherans, Presbyterians, Baptists, etc. are all the same thing- the Church.

Truthfully I can't think of one person I've ever met who loves the division of the Church into these stupid denominations. Its only because our Church "leaders" can't get over themselves and their unflenching committment to a certain theology, rather than Christ himself, that we have these dumb denominations. And yet I do encourage people to know what they believe and why on these dividing issues. But we should be dogmatic about the things that form the core of our beliefs only. Lets not let politicians divide us because they only want a vote and could care less about the purpose of the Church or its ethics. We should never be more loyal to a politician or political party than we are to our fellow brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. So lets be like the Church of Acts that shared everything, cared for everyone, and excluded no-one. For Christ accepts everyone to come as they are, He just wont let them stay the same once they see the truth of His love. No one can stay the same in the face of Love. Amen!
Much love and respect-
J
"Happy the pure in heart, they shall see God" Matthew 5:8

The Roving Wild

There is a quiet roar in my soul tonight,

I try to keep it controlled,

But today the dam burst.

Like a lion roaring from his cage,

So this force purged itself of its chains,

Even for just an instant,

I felt its Fury,

His indignance at the lurid injustices,

And the forces that perpetuate them,

And I fear the hurricane that rages deep in my soul,

The charge to drop my hands,

And hurl myself headlong into the streets of despair,

Because only the sick need a Doctor,

The medicine I hold deep in my bosom,

Is best served on the cracking streets of heartache.

The Doctor is in,

And I am His hands,

Now free to roam,

A hurricane without warning.

Follow the breadcrumbs from the One I love,

Crack this code,

And unleash the cacophony that is my heart,

A deafening roar,

This roving wild.

My heart (mi corazón)

Today as I wandered throughout the first part of my day I realized a few things. 1. There is so much I want to do! ---- I have a heart for the environment and desire to be actively involved in the act of stewardship of the great planet we have been given charge by God to take care of. It is also part of my character to be active and enjoy the ability to run and compete in athletics, namely soccer. I further have a burning passion to help the poor and misfortunate. I love the Hispanic people and feel a real call to be involved in God's movement in the hearts of our nations immigrants that have been so harshly rejected by a "God led" country. And finally I have to be diligent in my studies as they are- as much as I sometimes don't recognize it- a blessing from God. I must work hard at my studies and be attentive as the gift of attending a major university is not a opportunity that many have. And with this I must use my gifts to aid those who have less than I. Not to mention the love I have for working at my local coffee shop with my fellow baristas. I love our conversations and friendships and hold them very close to my heart (Coffea Island rocks baby!).

But I have only 24 hours in a day and I need a few hours for sleep. This leaves me with a dilemma- how do I spend my time? God I pray you would lead me in wise time management so as t best serve You! And God may this lead to an increased impact on the world around me! I pray people may be touched by Your faith WITH works in me. I pray that people be blessed and touched by my words now. I pray for a change- in Christ Jesus, Amen.

What Happens Next Starts Now

(What I Saw)

It’s not that I don’t know where I’m going,

I just don’t know what happens in between.

The foggy gray patchwork called life sits in the median of a crowded street.

And I wade through the mist in between black and white,

Little appears cut and dry,

Despite the claims of the multitudes,

Because between Heaven and Hell lies Earth,

And while the truth of God is evident,

I thank Him I’m not the one who has to sort out our mess.

(Because of…)

Indeed I stand in the middle of a seven-lane highway

Hoping you don’t hit me,

Knowing you will.

Because Love hits like a Mac truck,

And fragmented love leaves a trail of splinters.

And thus lies my paradox,

Love hurts.

So I’ll count my wounds,

And chalk it up to grace that they aren’t fatal,

Because the heart of love hurts with the hurting,

And cries with the broken heart.

(The Altering Conversation)

Dear God- “Does your heart fracture with the splintering of my mind?

Dear Josiah- “My hands bleed as I pick up your pieces”

Dear God- “O’ Captain my Captain,

-You have my heart”-

(Firing the Rounds)

I’ll bite the bullet,

And chew its steel,

Because my Love wars for me,

And I join the ranks,

To fight for you.

(And Peace.)

_ (my soul) ________